"I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go."

Well, I suppose I should really do a summing up of the year. Seems fitting that I find the time to post only on holidays. That's when I do most of my contemplating.

Christmas this year was fine. Since my husband left in 2003, we have still celebrated the holidays and birthdays with the kids together. Why? Because he wants to, and I wanted him there. It was my one way of seeing him again. Not the healthiest thing for me, emotionally, I suppose, but still, something I wanted. So I went for it.

The past years, he has slept over at the house, and we've all been together again for 3 days, eating, laughing, working puzzles and playing games, as if we were still a whole family. It was important to the kids that he be there, and I didn't have the will to tell him he shouldn't come over. It felt "normal" with him under the roof of our house again. I had some peace when he was there.

Of course, afterwards, I usually have a hard time. He withdraws so completely that the kids and I do not hear from him for a couple of weeks or more. But I think this year may be different for me. Perhaps I am beginning to realize that I deserve a bit more in life, than the odd holiday visit.



This picture I took when we all met up together to have lunch with his cousin and his cousin's two sons. My three are in the middle of the shot. They look happy and good. One of my goals throughout this process was to keep the kids happy. Looks like maybe I've succeeded with that one.


This year has been a year of changes for me. My daughter left to go to college and I find myself living alone for the first time in almost 30 years. I have two cats to keep me company and I'm beginning to find out about the things I like to do, just for myself. I joined a community choir, and am astonished at how much I truly enjoy it. How could I have forgotten such a thing? We have such fun singing opera and swing and Broadway tunes. Working as a team to draw a good sound from so many diverse voices is a real joy.

I've been taking a poetry appreciation class and have rediscovered the joy of learning about the written word, of discussing meaning and symbolism and religion and philosophy with other interested persons. A 16 week class on Theodore Roethke's poetry led me on a discovery of looking at the world through his vision. Wonderful.
The title of this post is from one of his poems The Waking. You can find it here

I leave you with this picture of Manny, our youngest cat. He's a sweetie who loves attention. I hope to be as relaxed as he looks here. And in the new year, I hope to focus more on living, loving and being happy. He looks like a good role model, does he not?

Goals for 2007? I'll post my list tomorrow.